Disturbia somewhat displaced in the face of impending sexytimes, Cap smirked at the sheriff, what an opportunity for 'em. That lucky, lucky...
Personally Cap had always wanted to bed himself, and had almost succeeded once thanks to a VR helmet and piece of "borrowed" illegal hard-holo tech... But, ah, that was another story. The sheriff, he considered, must have been super excited for the opportunity to knock boots with someone as good looking as him. He ran a hand through his hair. ~~ The Sheriff looked the Man up and down. He was leering strangely. Hm. Fnir eyes skirted the trouser area again. Oh yes, that did look inviting. If fne could get past the... (a grimace at the thought)... face, then this might be a marvellous adventure indeed. The male's working eye was sparkling rather attractively and the sheriff tried to hang onto that island of brown warmth amid its battered sea of wonkiness. For a moment the sheriff couldn't look away, and it was both a horrible and delicious sensation. ~~~~~ Cap's smirk turned to a grin. The sheriff was staring him right in the eye and... was that a shiver? Clearly of desire. Clearly even standing here battered, in rags, he still had it. Clearly the sheriff'd never seen anyone so gorgeous in all their days. Poor love, what a sheltered life they must've lead in this ole galoot town, on this backwater planet. But, he considered immodestly, even if they'd lived in a big city he doubted they'd have met anyone as fine anyways. Back in his comfort zone what with all the potential flirtin' n' lovin', Cap was feeling better and jauntier with each passing moment. He ate a cookie, seductively. ~~~~~ The sherrif felt fnir eyes almost pop out of fnir head when the man began eating one of the biscuits in a most peculiar fashion. What a thing to behold! "Are you, um, are you okay?" Fne asked with concern. Still silent, the Man paused his biscuit tongueing and looked a little confused, before shrugging and sucking on it. "What's he doing?" asked Yus. "He's..." The sheriff tilted fnir head to get a better focus on the display. "Well, I'm not quite sure in fact. He's um... Oh dear. I think he's about to choke on his biscuit." As if on cue, Cap did indeed choke on his biscuit. Yus facepalmed then felt around with her toes, found the target, and trod lightly on Cap's uninjured foot in reprimand. "Cap!" she hissed "we're meant to be making a good impression, we need their help". A little ruffled Cap managed to cease the battle for air with his nibbly nemesis and swallowed the crumbly pest with an audible gulp. Hoping beyond reason that everyone had immediately forgotten the moment, he put Yus's hand on his head and nodded meekly. Winsturdle chose this pause to remind them of fnir gruffing presence. "Y'know I don't think I wanna be around for all this," fne sneered with distaste. "I'll be in the bar if'n you need me." "Ohh yes!" the sheriff's whole demeanour slid from puzzled to bright and breezy. That is a marvellous idea. Let's all go to the bar. Surpressed no more, Winsturdle facepalmed openly. Cap nodded enthusiastically. "Well!" smiled Yus, "what are we waiting for?" ------------------- They pushed through the swing doors - it was like something from an old movie . Cap approved. The inside of the saloon was much as Cap imagined it would be: wooden, dirty, old fashioned, simple. Smelled reassuringly of alcohol. He inhaled deeply, letting the atmosphere wash over him. It was almost as good as the balmy moment with Yus. Almost. There was one unexpected bonus: Pop hits played from a juke box. That struck him as an oddly modern piece of tech to find in these parts and, if he was honest (he peered at Winsturdle picking fnir teeth), he was surprised they'd even heard of pop music out here. The music tickled warmly around the wooden structure. A pleasant sensation which shot a part of his psyche back to endless golden summers as a kid. ?*Waitin' for a star to faa-all... And carry your heart in-to my arms, that's where you belong, in my arms ba-by yeah...* ? He chanced a glance Yus's direction, sighed like he'd taken a long refreshing drink of water, then shook himself out of it. He had a job to do. And before that, he needed a drink. Suddenly very much back in command of his faculties he limp-strode to the bar, flashed his most winning grin at the surly, plump, frill-laden barkeep, and demanded "Whiskey. On the 'Roids." There was a very long pause during which everyone stared at him, their reasons their own. The silence was busted open by the barkeep asking "... You erm.. You want alcohol on your hemorrhoids? Cos it's not gen'rlly recommended for piles..." "No!" Cap flapped an impatient hand. "It means with ice. You know 'Roids!? Asteroids!?" The barkeep humphed "Bit fancy ain't it?" Cap snorted "Asteroids? Fancy? You some kinda--" The glaring barkeep never found out what kinda thing they were about to be deemed, as fne decided the needless waffle ought be cut short with a sharp "I mean ice, we don't have none 'o that stuff." Cap was temporarily taken aback, what kind of bar didn't have ice? Then he remembered seeing an old movie where ice was a rare commodity, and had to be delivered in huge blocks to towns just like this one. Fair dos. "Right you are. Jus' the whiskey then." He leaned in over the bar on his forearms, and grinned expectantly, charmingly. Utterly unimpressed, the barkeep's glare deepened. "Ah," added Cap, shuffling a millimetre back as he suddenly realised he should probably not anger his first source of alcohol in days. "... Please." He registered that apart from the wailing snazzy saxophone solo floating from the jukebox, it had become very quiet. Craning over his shoulder he looked round at the others, turning to face their stares. "What?" A fuzzy tingle pulsed through the seat of his belly at the attention, and he tried not to look as delighted as he felt because, (he glanced at Yus and her purple encrusted whips), somehow that didn't feel appropriate right about now. He clocked the sheriff's mouth hanging open again and chuckled a moment, both at the amusing sight, and because Yus's plan had sparked deliciously naughty thoughts about that mouth in certain post-crash neglected, yet vital, parts of his mind. And underwear. "What?" He repeated with a shrug of feigned nonchalance. But before there was even time to observe the sheriff closing fnir mouth Yus was by his side and hugging him. "Cap! Your voice is back!" Remembering to nod politely to Scary Sully - or whatever fnir name probably was - Cap accepted his whiskey and sipped some gratefully. Ahhhhh gods, that was the stuff. Surprisingly smoother than he was expecting... And (he took another sip and an experimental glance around) he still had his eyesight after imbibing some. Always a good sign. "Oh. Yeah" he replied through a grin giving Yus a return squeeze. "Not sure why, but hey I ain't complainin!" He was, gratefully, feeling all kinds of headed-in-the-right-direction. The patrons of the bar were all still looking. He frowned and, for the lark of it, gave them his best "it's rude to stare" expression (you tend to get pretty adept at that when you have one eye missing and a face full of scars n' machinery). They got the message and began looking away, returning mumblingly to their previous conversations with only the occasional peek around handfuls of playing cards and mugs of... something. Probably beer. The sheriff and Winsturdle rocked up next to Yus. "Your voice..." exclaimed the sheriff. "Fnuh" Cap sipped his whiskey again, good eye rolling in pleasure, reveling in the feeling as it slipped down his throat and warmed his chest "what about it?" "It's so... Low!" Well, that beat the ole classic moobeast comparison. Or Krimlitt the Squog. He smiled, remembering that a particularly hyperactive but pleasant boy whose family he'd once delivered to had loudly compared his voice to the friendly puppet, causing the lad's mom much embarrassment but Cap much amusement and a nice story to tell his buddies. Plus he'd let Mommy make it up to him by introducing him to her hot sister. It hadn't lasted more than a few dinner dates and a couple sessions of frenetic backseat boot-smashing, but it had been nice. Cap focused on what the sheriff had said. He supposed on a planet made of non gendered people that their voices were probably all kinda mid-range. The sheriff was probably telling the truth; they likely hadn't heard a voice like his before, or not often, anyway. "I ah, I guess it is." He finished his drink with a smile, turned, and immediately ordered another. The barkeep nodded at the empty glass, and hands on ample hips, less-than-warmly informed him that "I'm still waitin' for you to pay for that one, doob-for-brains..." "Ah. Right." Cap dug in his pockets and, rummaging around (unintentionally looking to all around like he was playing with himself), pulled out a holographic playing card which was curled on one of the corners, but had a lovely image of a naked woman projected from it, and proffered it as payment. The barkeep, unmoved, scowled and slid the dog-eared item back across the bar. "No." "Okay okay, wait a sec." Cap held up a patience-requesting finger. The keeper's expression still didn't alter. "Don't you worry," Cap assured, "there's bound to be somethin' good in here somewhere. Always is." He dug around in his pants again at length (causing Winsturdle to wince and the sheriff to ogle him), and brought out a small pack of tooth whitening strips, a comb, a few foil-sealed condoms marked 'extra fruity', and a marble which Jim had given him. If he looked closely at the tiny smooth sphere, it always looked to Cap as if it contained the entire galaxy. Jim had never been able to see it himself, he just knew Cap liked colours and had gifted it to him as one might a fascinated seven year old nephew who was a little backwards, but that you were particularly fond of. That these personal effects had survived their ordeals without falling from the ragged remains of his jacket and pants pleased Cap greatly. He fingered the marble into his palm then nudged the tooth whitening strips keenly across the bar. He was like a dog hoping you'll throw its slobbery tennis ball. "Go on" he said, eyeing up Scary's beige stumps. " Treat yourself." The barkeep scowled. Cap smiled. The sherrif stepped in. "It's okay, it's okay Pollyarni, he's with me". There was a subtle twitch of Pollyarni's bonneted brow. "Oh yeah" said Cap smugly, boastfully, and jerked a thumb at himself proudly. "I'm a 'he'". Finally Scary... uh that is Pollyarni... broke the seething stoicism and spoke again. "I couldn't give a rat's ass if you're a pocock's constipated fecal matter, I just want payin'." Unusually (apart from the bout with guilt-induced-mutism) Cap was momentarily lost for words as he sequentially failed to impress, was rebuffed, and noted the confusing fact that Pollyarni's vocabulary might have been better than his own. "Here" said the sheriff quickly, proffering a handful of notes "take this". Fne put the curious bills and a selection of oddly shaped coins on the bar. Polly accepted with a grunt and poured Cap another whiskey with about as much vigor as a seriously depressed slug. ~~~ Several whiskeys later and an oddly energetic Cap was sitting on a low couch surrounded by the saloon's patrons, jubilantly regaling them with all kinds of fantastical space-tales. Yus, not really stopping for more than a few moments to consider how the guy had been so poorly just a few days ago but now suddenly seemed fine, found herself swept along in the excitement. She simply assumed he was recovering and becoming himself again. That was reassuring, and it made sense; what with the (semi) normal food, drink and company, she was beginning to feel a lot better herself. She wasn't too sure about all the attention though; She knew Cap loved it but unlike her male counterpart she wasn't sure she enjoyed being a novelty. "The Outsiders" the patrons kept calling them. As for Cap's drinking habits, she couldn't say she approved (and she remembered Jyce and Jim not being too keen either), but if in this case it was leading towards getting them off this planet she didn't think it could do much harm. Relatively speaking. She tried to think of it like Cap was just temporarily self-medicating as one might in an emergency. Which - she grimaced, trying not to think of the crash - she supposed he was. Once they were off the planet perhaps she'd bring it up. Hey! Once they were off the planet. That sent the dark thoughts out of the room. She smiled, glad to be thinking positively again, as was her wont. "Quite right too!" Cap was bellowing at someone, oddly aptly. She tuned back in. The man might have been a bigger show-off than the revered Erythian supermodel (and famously egotistical jerk) Havleblad Falloffleblad, but his stories were actually very funny, and at times - for instance when he spoke of Jim - unexpectedly sweet and heartwarming. Even the surly Pollyarni accidently chuckled along despite fneself at the Locker and Hair incident (Jim - trying to escape an evening out - had thought he'd found an incredible hiding spot, but his voluminous hair had been sticking out over the top of a line of lockers giving him away). She wondered if the stories were true or fanciful yarn-spinning; She suspected they were real. Either way the amusing anecdotes went on for a good long while until Yus remembered that Cap was meant to be, ahem, charming the sheriff with a very particular kind of biology lesson. She reminded him. He hadn't forgotten. "I know" he told her, whispering warmly into her ear and turning her legs to jelly. "This is all part of the foreplay". "Oh!" She'd replied and, not exactly expert in such matters, wondered what kind of foreplay involved so many people at once, then shrugged. She didn't care, as long as this all meant they were headed homewards as soon as possible. At the edge of the bar, an unnoticed figure sat in the shadows, watching the scene and slowly sipping a beer. To be continued... |
Imagining hilarious, beautiful
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